A Rant: Glandular Fucking Fever...

Now I am not a terribly abstemious person. I like to eat good food, I like to drink, I like to smoke. I wouldn't say I am gluttonous, nor a drunkard, nor do I smoke ridiculously. But I enjoy these comforts, and along with coffee, they are the four pillars on which I stand.

I have toppled over now, due to the horribleness that is glandular fever. 

Good food? No way- I feel as though its the opposite of the famous Seinfeld quote from the Soup Nazi episode ('No soup for you'), for me is 'Only soup for you!' Sigh... I am not generally a soup person, except for exceedingly spicy or flavourful Asian soups like Hot & Sour or Tom Kha Gai. But these are out too... my tender throat surely couldn't even bear the first spoonful.

Drinking? Well, I originally thought I had tonsillitis from a bacterial infection. This was two weeks ago. I took penicillin, I missed two work shifts, I stayed at home for five days and felt better. The penicillin worked I thought. Ok, so a little bit of drinking... bad idea, especially since it wasn't bacterial, my immune system had just finally taken the upper hand. So yeah, even when I feel better from this viral Epstein Barr shite that has afflicted me, I still cannot drink for like a month... sigh...

Smoking? Nope. I was foolish, I had a smoke after I felt better the first time, but it stung my throat horribly. I should have thought... hmmmm... bad idea, I shouldn't smoke for a while. Well, I'm paying for it now, I shouldn't smoke for at least a month after I feel back to normal. I guess its a good thing I am not addicted to tobacco, I just really like it.

Coffee? They say one is tired all the time with glandular fever, and that is certainly true. I walk about in a stupor and sit in general malaise. But it is so damned difficult to sleep properly. In any position one lays, saliva pools in the mouth, so either you have to constantly wake up to spit it out, swallow it with difficulty or just let it drool out. Unfortunately sleeping has become a combination of all three. In addition, there are times I'll just wake up at random hours of the night, sit up, and just not want to lie back down. Of course, since I am not doing my normal daily walking of a couple miles to work, to the city centre or wherever, I have horribly restless legs. So coffee? I could, but it's probably not a good idea. I have never drunk so much herbal tea in my life.

If I was religious, I would think that god was punishing me by not respecting Lent for the last several years by making me give up my four pillars of happiness all at once, during Lent. As an agnostic, I find it a bit ironic.

Perhaps even the worst part of this is I have had to pass up two dates with someone, and if he hasn't had glandular fever before, then he will surely get it unless we were to not kiss for something like six months according to some website... so there we go, fifth happy pillar that sometimes but not always exists, gone too...

Ok, I should say that as an illness goes, there are a plethora of other things that are worse, and I have the deepest respect for that. I know, I am just pissing and moaning... But I have extreme sympathy for all who have gone through this, which so I understand is nearly everyone at some point in their lifetimes.

Re-Designing the Durham Marketplace

As a part of Durham's 2020 Vision project, they are thinking about (and probably will be) re-designing the Marketplace. Apparently the council have allocated £5.2 million for this project which extends from Fowlers Yard on the west side of the peninsula to the east side of the peninsula. The aim is to make the Marketplace more spacious, more up-to-date, and  to repave and increase the lighting of the vennels.

www.durhamcityvision.co.uk/page/708 Visit this link to access the proposed ideas.

The Marketplace has been the central hub of the city for hundreds of years. It is lined by several listed buildings such as the Guild Hall and St. Nicholas' Church. The market is the hub of all the pedestrian traffic in the city, it is the place all the tourists go to first even if only on their way to Palace Green. With all the shops and sites, it is essentially the heart of Durham.

There has been considerable controversy over the proposals. Indeed, there is even a facebook group! Shock Horror! www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=68561121207&ref=nf  They are complaining that everything will be ripped down. On the contrary, the council are not changing any of the buildings, and are proposing only to move the statues. Everything else is quite minor.

I am not one for change, generally... And I like the Marketplace, generally... But I have to say, after reviewing all the several Mb pdf files on the Durham Vision website, I think they're onto something.

So this is what the council wants to do:

First, they want to move the two statues: The Marquis of Londonderry statue up to the top of Silver street, and the Neptune to in front of St. Nicholas' Church. I think this will increase the usable area of the market, and will allow the re-design of the pedestrian and traffic thoroughfares and event spaces.

They want to repave the market and all the vennels with new sandstone or granite. Fair enough. I think repaving and opening up the vennels is a great idea. OK, a lot of people like the cobbles in the market, but I would rather the entire area by repaved with nice stone than what we currently have, which is cobbles and stones, patched with ugly tarmac. They also want to deal with the slope of the marketplace by creating some curved steps in the pedestrian area, and making the main central bit completely level. As long as it's done well, I cannot complain, and having a large level central area will increase the functionality of the area.

New lighting. As long as the lamps they install are in keeping with the medieval character of the market, again, with this I have no qualms. I also think by adding new lighting to the vennels, they will increase their functionality greatly.

New benches and signs. Again, as long as they are keeping in character, fine. Signs for instance should be brushed antique brass instead of plastic...

I sent the council my thoughts, begging them to please keep everything in character. I can see them really butchering this, but I can also see it considerably improving the Marketplace. To be honest, I think it looks a bit grubby at the moment and can do with a revamp.

Below 12 stone...

Well, though many of my posts have been rants about things, I felt it prudent to post on something I am happy with. I've been working out and eating healthier for the last one and a half years, and I have made definite improvements.

I have always been a heavy-set person, throughout school I was one of the 'fat kids,' never really considerably obese, but definitely overweight. In high school, as a result of being dumped by my first boyfriend, and dealing with all the shit of coming out, I became quite depressed. As a result, back in 2002, I began losing weight- I was not eating as much, and to work through the depression, I pushed myself to more physical extremes in marching band than I otherwise would have. Mostly though, my weight loss was due to not eating very much and the chemical changes that Prozac (I was put on 30mg per day) cause. Anyone who has been on Prozac will know that it typically causes weight loss in men and weight gain in women... sorry ladies... I believe I got down as far as 13 stone... ish... something like that.

However, I think the Prozac, at least when I weened myself off of it by later 2004, had completely destroyed my metabolism, and I quickly gained weight again. Then again, perhaps it was the ale... in any event, for most of my undergraduate days I was quite 'hefty.' Ok, yeah, I ate considerably larger portions than I should have... it was all a mistake.

The greatest sin in the gay community is being overweight. Seriously. Yes, it's vain and shallow, but the fact is that slim, fit and healthy gay men get loads of attention. Fat gay men must rely completely on their personalities, and suffice it to say, my personality is not exactly the most charming... well, at least not at first- initially I think people see me as aloof and pretentious, whereas I am really just shy.

A year and a half ago I was roughly 210 pounds (15 stone) with a 16.5 inch neck, 47 inch chest and 42 inch waist... A lot of my unhappiness was likely due to my being overweight. Forgive me for being shallow and vain too, but as a gay man, I have received considerably more positive attention since I have lost weight. A lot more... and I'm happier for it. I am 168 pounds (12 stone) and dropping. I have a 15 inch neck, 42 inch chest and 33 inch waist.

I have also put on considerably more muscle, and I believe that is the key... increasing muscle mass increases the metabolism. If I have a good metabolism, I can eat more. But, to lose weight, I try to stay in a net calorific deficiency. I could certainly eat 2500 calories a day, but I try to eat the right stuff, green leafy veggies (rabbit food...) and only about 2000 calories a day.

I just also want to add that crash dieting doesn't work! It will destroy the body's metabolism! Building a strong metabolism through exercise and eating healthy food does work! I'm not on any sort of ridiculous diet- I still drink ale, I still eat pizza and pasta (albeit usually whole-wheat now). Everything in moderation is the key...

I still have a way to go before I have a six-pack, but I'm on the way!

a rant...

Do you know what I hate? (I'll give you a hint, it took me seven tries to type this properly)

Give up?

OK, I'll tell you...

I really completely and utterly hate ergonomic keyboards- especially the Microsoft ones the ITS has decided to put open every single fucking computer at the university. All of the keys are in a slightly odd position, all different sizes and fucking curved! The left hand shift is tiny, it's like the tiniest key on the bloody thing and one of the most important!

*in mocking voice* 'hey, I have an idea, let's design a keyboard where the space bar is a tiny button on the bottom that you need a pin to push! And how about every time you press the backspace it electrocutes you... ooooh, and how about each time you press the tab key, a snake pops out a bites your finger... that'll teach you to use paragraphs... '

Idiots! I'm not sure what I hate more... Microsoft for designing the damned things or ITS for fucking buying them and putting them on every computer in the University!

GRRRRRR!!!

Blogging...

Ok, I have been really rubbish at posting on this blog... I think the reason for this is that the times I have the most to say are late at night when I am elsewhere, possibly drunk or working, or just want to curl up in bed. During the times when I could find the time to write an entry, a.k.a. the morning, I am either asleep, or not bothered because I haven't had enough coffee, or asleep, or have nothing on my mind to write... or well, asleep.

Yeah, I'm rubbish at this...

I hate Valentines!

I always get depressed around Valentines day... I really hate it, with a deep passion. There are several reasons for my dislike of this day: First, it's so ridiculously corporate. All the companies try and get you to buy overpriced knick-knacks or candy or flowers or champagne for your 'valentine.' Then there's the gift exchange, and all the happy couples snogging on the street. It makes me sick!

Of course, in all honesty, it all comes down to my envy of the happiness of all these people. Getting nice chocolates, flowers, and more importantly, the romance... I have been single every bloody valentines, and have never been privy to all these nice things. It has been this way since I was dumped exactly 7 years ago to the day by my first boyfriend. How can someone do that so close to valentines? It was horrible... It caused me such emotional harm, and certainly contributed to my massive depression in school and to some extent here at university.

My depression is mostly over now- though I still get moody and glum at times (like I have been for the last couple days). Still, I want the romance and happy exchange of trivial gifts that people lucky enough to be in relationships get at valentines...

Of course, this is another issue I have with the day... Why do people need valentines to encourage, nay, force them to be romantic? Shouldn't people be spontaneous - surely it is more romantic to give flowers and chocolates and champagne without encouragement from some corporatised saint's day?

Grrrr to the world!

The Purple Sock...

Ominous title... isn't it?

If you didn't know by now- I am gay. Yes, a true 100% homosexual man... I have never been sexually attracted to a woman, and I don't suspect I ever will... of course, if I met a woman I did like sexually, it wouldn't stop me, but for all intensive purposes I am completely queer.

I like the word queer, some other gay men don't, but I do...

I should wear my shirt that says 'Queer?' more often... maybe I'd get more action...

Right, so anyways, I have been living in Durham for six years now. I love it here (but that's another blog entry), yet I had never done the gay scene up in Newcastle. I know... shocking isn't it? Well, a group of us in the LGBTa decided to go up on Friday night (30th of January).

We first went to Loft- which was, I have to say, my favourite of the places we visited. One of the transvestites there was terribly cute, and I'm saying this even though he was in full-on drag queen regalia. Had he been in male clothing, whew!

Where else did we go? Ah yes, The Eagle... hmmmm... it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but of course there was a group of us... and the dirty old men were checking us out the whole time. Had I been alone, well, I wouldn't have dared enter that particular establishment.

Then we went to Heaven, it was certainly not heaven as I would imagine it, far too crowded for my liking, and the lasers flashing everywhere would have caused most epileptics to have seizures. The rest was a bit of a blur, but I had to get more money- and ended up walking with someone (not revealing his name for his sake- no permission to, etc...) all the way to Eldon Square for some cash... man, I thought women out on Fridays in Durham in the middle of winter didn't where enough, but up in Newcastle- they were practically naked! I was frightened to say the least. But we did have a good discussion about never successfully pulling anyone...

We finally ended up in Powerhouse, which was the intended location. Not a bad place really- well designed and quite large (unlike Loveshack in Durham... ugh!) Yeah, dancing, drinking, merriment... good times.

All right, so you're wondering exactly what this has to do with a purple sock... I don't own any purple socks, but I was wearing one when I got back home the following morning.

Ok, you want details? I really shouldn't kiss and tell, but suffice it to say, I was pulled, in Powerhouse. Same Difference had just come on (they are even weirder in person!) and I was dancing away (I was quite pissed, even though I hadn't drunk anything in about an hour at that point, which was probably a good move (both for my own ability to see straight, and for my already suffering wallet). Yeah... and this guy came along, we started dancing with each other- that turned into grinding with each other, which turned into snogging...

So, the purple sock... yes, ahem... woke up the following morning, could only find one of my socks- I seriously looked everywhere in his room... but since he didn't want me to go home barefooted in one shoe, he gave me one of his- it's black, with little purple bits on it... but calling it the purple sock is far more catchy...

I have even thought of rewriting a queer Cinderella-type script about it- boy gets pulled, ends up with purple sock, doesn't know who he was, travels around to all the gay bars trying to find him again, taking the purple sock with him, finds true love etc. etc. Oi! It's not that bad of a premise, certainly better than that film 'Another Gay Movie' and worse, its sequel; 'Another Gay Movie, Gays Gone Wild.'

Right, so now you know about the purple sock...