Below 12 stone...

Well, though many of my posts have been rants about things, I felt it prudent to post on something I am happy with. I've been working out and eating healthier for the last one and a half years, and I have made definite improvements.

I have always been a heavy-set person, throughout school I was one of the 'fat kids,' never really considerably obese, but definitely overweight. In high school, as a result of being dumped by my first boyfriend, and dealing with all the shit of coming out, I became quite depressed. As a result, back in 2002, I began losing weight- I was not eating as much, and to work through the depression, I pushed myself to more physical extremes in marching band than I otherwise would have. Mostly though, my weight loss was due to not eating very much and the chemical changes that Prozac (I was put on 30mg per day) cause. Anyone who has been on Prozac will know that it typically causes weight loss in men and weight gain in women... sorry ladies... I believe I got down as far as 13 stone... ish... something like that.

However, I think the Prozac, at least when I weened myself off of it by later 2004, had completely destroyed my metabolism, and I quickly gained weight again. Then again, perhaps it was the ale... in any event, for most of my undergraduate days I was quite 'hefty.' Ok, yeah, I ate considerably larger portions than I should have... it was all a mistake.

The greatest sin in the gay community is being overweight. Seriously. Yes, it's vain and shallow, but the fact is that slim, fit and healthy gay men get loads of attention. Fat gay men must rely completely on their personalities, and suffice it to say, my personality is not exactly the most charming... well, at least not at first- initially I think people see me as aloof and pretentious, whereas I am really just shy.

A year and a half ago I was roughly 210 pounds (15 stone) with a 16.5 inch neck, 47 inch chest and 42 inch waist... A lot of my unhappiness was likely due to my being overweight. Forgive me for being shallow and vain too, but as a gay man, I have received considerably more positive attention since I have lost weight. A lot more... and I'm happier for it. I am 168 pounds (12 stone) and dropping. I have a 15 inch neck, 42 inch chest and 33 inch waist.

I have also put on considerably more muscle, and I believe that is the key... increasing muscle mass increases the metabolism. If I have a good metabolism, I can eat more. But, to lose weight, I try to stay in a net calorific deficiency. I could certainly eat 2500 calories a day, but I try to eat the right stuff, green leafy veggies (rabbit food...) and only about 2000 calories a day.

I just also want to add that crash dieting doesn't work! It will destroy the body's metabolism! Building a strong metabolism through exercise and eating healthy food does work! I'm not on any sort of ridiculous diet- I still drink ale, I still eat pizza and pasta (albeit usually whole-wheat now). Everything in moderation is the key...

I still have a way to go before I have a six-pack, but I'm on the way!

a rant...

Do you know what I hate? (I'll give you a hint, it took me seven tries to type this properly)

Give up?

OK, I'll tell you...

I really completely and utterly hate ergonomic keyboards- especially the Microsoft ones the ITS has decided to put open every single fucking computer at the university. All of the keys are in a slightly odd position, all different sizes and fucking curved! The left hand shift is tiny, it's like the tiniest key on the bloody thing and one of the most important!

*in mocking voice* 'hey, I have an idea, let's design a keyboard where the space bar is a tiny button on the bottom that you need a pin to push! And how about every time you press the backspace it electrocutes you... ooooh, and how about each time you press the tab key, a snake pops out a bites your finger... that'll teach you to use paragraphs... '

Idiots! I'm not sure what I hate more... Microsoft for designing the damned things or ITS for fucking buying them and putting them on every computer in the University!

GRRRRRR!!!

Blogging...

Ok, I have been really rubbish at posting on this blog... I think the reason for this is that the times I have the most to say are late at night when I am elsewhere, possibly drunk or working, or just want to curl up in bed. During the times when I could find the time to write an entry, a.k.a. the morning, I am either asleep, or not bothered because I haven't had enough coffee, or asleep, or have nothing on my mind to write... or well, asleep.

Yeah, I'm rubbish at this...

I hate Valentines!

I always get depressed around Valentines day... I really hate it, with a deep passion. There are several reasons for my dislike of this day: First, it's so ridiculously corporate. All the companies try and get you to buy overpriced knick-knacks or candy or flowers or champagne for your 'valentine.' Then there's the gift exchange, and all the happy couples snogging on the street. It makes me sick!

Of course, in all honesty, it all comes down to my envy of the happiness of all these people. Getting nice chocolates, flowers, and more importantly, the romance... I have been single every bloody valentines, and have never been privy to all these nice things. It has been this way since I was dumped exactly 7 years ago to the day by my first boyfriend. How can someone do that so close to valentines? It was horrible... It caused me such emotional harm, and certainly contributed to my massive depression in school and to some extent here at university.

My depression is mostly over now- though I still get moody and glum at times (like I have been for the last couple days). Still, I want the romance and happy exchange of trivial gifts that people lucky enough to be in relationships get at valentines...

Of course, this is another issue I have with the day... Why do people need valentines to encourage, nay, force them to be romantic? Shouldn't people be spontaneous - surely it is more romantic to give flowers and chocolates and champagne without encouragement from some corporatised saint's day?

Grrrr to the world!

The Purple Sock...

Ominous title... isn't it?

If you didn't know by now- I am gay. Yes, a true 100% homosexual man... I have never been sexually attracted to a woman, and I don't suspect I ever will... of course, if I met a woman I did like sexually, it wouldn't stop me, but for all intensive purposes I am completely queer.

I like the word queer, some other gay men don't, but I do...

I should wear my shirt that says 'Queer?' more often... maybe I'd get more action...

Right, so anyways, I have been living in Durham for six years now. I love it here (but that's another blog entry), yet I had never done the gay scene up in Newcastle. I know... shocking isn't it? Well, a group of us in the LGBTa decided to go up on Friday night (30th of January).

We first went to Loft- which was, I have to say, my favourite of the places we visited. One of the transvestites there was terribly cute, and I'm saying this even though he was in full-on drag queen regalia. Had he been in male clothing, whew!

Where else did we go? Ah yes, The Eagle... hmmmm... it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but of course there was a group of us... and the dirty old men were checking us out the whole time. Had I been alone, well, I wouldn't have dared enter that particular establishment.

Then we went to Heaven, it was certainly not heaven as I would imagine it, far too crowded for my liking, and the lasers flashing everywhere would have caused most epileptics to have seizures. The rest was a bit of a blur, but I had to get more money- and ended up walking with someone (not revealing his name for his sake- no permission to, etc...) all the way to Eldon Square for some cash... man, I thought women out on Fridays in Durham in the middle of winter didn't where enough, but up in Newcastle- they were practically naked! I was frightened to say the least. But we did have a good discussion about never successfully pulling anyone...

We finally ended up in Powerhouse, which was the intended location. Not a bad place really- well designed and quite large (unlike Loveshack in Durham... ugh!) Yeah, dancing, drinking, merriment... good times.

All right, so you're wondering exactly what this has to do with a purple sock... I don't own any purple socks, but I was wearing one when I got back home the following morning.

Ok, you want details? I really shouldn't kiss and tell, but suffice it to say, I was pulled, in Powerhouse. Same Difference had just come on (they are even weirder in person!) and I was dancing away (I was quite pissed, even though I hadn't drunk anything in about an hour at that point, which was probably a good move (both for my own ability to see straight, and for my already suffering wallet). Yeah... and this guy came along, we started dancing with each other- that turned into grinding with each other, which turned into snogging...

So, the purple sock... yes, ahem... woke up the following morning, could only find one of my socks- I seriously looked everywhere in his room... but since he didn't want me to go home barefooted in one shoe, he gave me one of his- it's black, with little purple bits on it... but calling it the purple sock is far more catchy...

I have even thought of rewriting a queer Cinderella-type script about it- boy gets pulled, ends up with purple sock, doesn't know who he was, travels around to all the gay bars trying to find him again, taking the purple sock with him, finds true love etc. etc. Oi! It's not that bad of a premise, certainly better than that film 'Another Gay Movie' and worse, its sequel; 'Another Gay Movie, Gays Gone Wild.'

Right, so now you know about the purple sock...

Blogging...

I just reclaimed this old blog I had set up in 2006... until I started co-publishing on my new blog; http://www.cigarsandpipes.blogspot.com/ , I had almost forgotten that I had this one. It only ever had one post, a long rambling of feelings that I believe no one ever read... ah well... I've taken it off, but didn't delete it, because perhaps one day it will be relevant again... maybe... unlikely...

So yeah, new personal blog- maybe I'll actually keep up with this one...